If anything happens, I need to hold. I have to shut my ego up and not be so hard on myself that I’m not beating odds. They’re clearly stacked against me in a way I can’t get around.
I learned a crucial lesson about myself while this is going on: don't over book yourself, and stick to a simple routine. Only add a challenging aspect when you know in your gut you can deal with whatever outcome, and expect outcomes to have ripple effects a few days later.
I've come to the realization that I need to lower, hell even abolish, all expectations. They've created this big black cloud around my perception that the goals I've set for myself aren't happening.
Remember the last time you came off and ignored the signs? What happened? You crashed even harder and landed right back on these little peach poisons.
I really don't want to hold, I want to push through and get this slow process over. Holding seems counter-productive.