If anything happens, I need to hold. I have to shut my ego up and not be so hard on myself that I’m not beating odds. They’re clearly stacked against me in a way I can’t get around.
When you're in a lot of pain in one area, the focus tends to stay there. An odd side-effect of injections for pain is that your brain's now able to remind you that other areas are either bad, or worst, flat out busted.
If you suffer from any sort of chronic problem, the thought of exercise is the last thing you'd ever want to attempt. How could I ever consider signing up for the Bluenose Marathon if last night's sleep caused one's neck to stop being able to turn left?
One day, I hit the wall. The whole day is spent in bed, I possibly flare-up something, and it takes more time to recover than the last. Mentally, I'm demoralize and feel loss of hope. Pacing prevents this.
Floors washed, toilets scrubbed, counters dusted, furniture moved to get to the dust... Not only to vacuum, but to shammy off any spots or that weird layer of dust that lingers. We're talking a job that starts shortly after 8am and doesn't end until the whole place smells of chemical disinfectant.
I've spoken to many mental health professionals at all levels, and one thing they all agree on is that eating disorders are the hardest mental illness to treat.
All I knew was being obese, being inactive, and not giving a fuck what food I ate increased the odds of my cancer coming back. Never would I be an eating disorder.