Then, the moment I get out of bed with this I can do anything attitude, it quickly drops. Some days, I'm lucky if I complete my AM breakfast regime. I then have to make choices for that day, pushing those goals I had for myself further and further away.
If you suffer from any sort of chronic problem, the thought of exercise is the last thing you'd ever want to attempt. How could I ever consider signing up for the Bluenose Marathon if last night's sleep caused one's neck to stop being able to turn left?
I've come to the realization that I need to lower, hell even abolish, all expectations. They've created this big black cloud around my perception that the goals I've set for myself aren't happening.
The first time was quite problematic. I knew less about my dissociative tendencies, so allowing that pain in caused my brain to check me out (and full blown panic attacks to occur).
Floors washed, toilets scrubbed, counters dusted, furniture moved to get to the dust... Not only to vacuum, but to shammy off any spots or that weird layer of dust that lingers. We're talking a job that starts shortly after 8am and doesn't end until the whole place smells of chemical disinfectant.
A scented candle isn't going to make my craving for escapism go away. In fact, it may dangerously replace an old addiction from a new one.
Welcome to my first personal blog entry (PBE). I'll be making these from time to time to summarize how things have been going, what I've been doing, and anything that may eating away at me.