It came to a head last night: my first vivid nightmare in over 6 months. I shot awake with tears down my cheeks (I rarely cry). Luckily it wasn't a full blown terror.
Growing up, it was beaten into me that it was always my fault. Always. That mindset still follows me. At its worst point, people would glance my way and automatically I believed I did something wrong, and a pathetic sorry would fall out of my mouth.
The meaning changes from province to province, but I believe I can say with confidence that any holiday that involves a possible four (or more) day weekend, it's defined as a two-four weekend.
I know I have made some dumb comments, and I appreciate when people bring it to my attention. I can't change unless I'm told.
Once I realized what was happening, I self-sabotaged myself with humour: calling myself a doormat or someone who stood pretty strait for someone with no backbone.
If anything happens, I need to hold. I have to shut my ego up and not be so hard on myself that I’m not beating odds. They’re clearly stacked against me in a way I can’t get around.
In my case, I'm unsure what to do. It's a hard one to get people you know to stop asking you, let alone complete strangers. I welcome suggestions.