It’s a new day. Still not feeling so great, but I’m a bit better.
Time to prep my doses.
You have GOT to be kidding me.
Yep, that’s right. Two weeks after writing about screwing up my titration schedule , I was able to tick off another fear of mine: spilling a dose. Thank hydrogen it wasn’t the whole batch, but it was enough to throw my brain into panic mode. I was cleaning out the mason jar when it slipped out of my hands. It decided to land smack dab in the middle of my divided titration, then hit the floor.
What was I going to do? Did I screw up my hard work up until that point? This is where therapeutic techniques kicked in to help me get through my flub.
The panic will come. It’s all about how you decide to react.
Oh yes, the five W’s and one H came rushing through, and every possible branch of ruminative possibility. My body tensed up, and I froze in place for several minutes. I also noticed frustration, which is rare. After those few minutes of dissociative freeze, I stared at it without thinking about anything. I’m not sure if this is my practice of being in the moment finally happening naturally.
I drank what was the last bits in the spilled container, and wiped up the rest. Panic sucks. Wasting time trying to figure out how to salvage the medication would only cause more unneeded stress, which then causes more panic. Lapping up my dose with my tongue off surfaces like some craven animal isn’t who I am.
I’m not apart of addictions services, but I want back in and a contact for things like this (waiting to speak to someone). Yes, I’m probably the only person in my province doing a titration, but I’m sure other people understand. I have herd of Benzo Buddies, and I really should register. Luckily I have my mother in my life, who I did talk to and reassured what I was doing was the right thing. I also talked to the great Tweeps of the HRM area who made me giggle at my gaffe.
Point is, be it close persons or complete strangers, reach out to anyone. It helps. Never discount the kindness of random strangers. In my experience, they’re more helpful as they have no real biases about you.
I was determined to stick to the schedule, not taking the next one early.
Well, it’s happened, there’s nothing I could do. It’s a wait-and-see. I told myself I had two choices: try to split up the rest of the doses evenly, or continue as normal as if I missed a dose. I chose the latter because the first idea, again, is extra stress. Avoid extra stress. I continued my day as normal.
Withdrawal is a creeper!
I was already coming down from some withdrawal, but I did notice new symptoms from missing my full dose. I was more agitated than normal, and the rocking turned into full blown I can not stop moving. To combat this, I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill (I’m still recovering from injury – had to find a happy middle). I did everything in my power to get to the next dose. I did not take any extra as that would really sabotage my titration. Basically, I would have compensated for whatever withdrawal had in store.
Check the self talk.
Pretty self explanatory. I caught myself a few times dissing myself, and I quickly turned those thoughts around by reminding myself it was an accident. A good ACT technique for this is called cognitive dissonance. I get a thought, and it can easily become a belief if its worded to match behavior. I thought I’m and idiot. If you add in front of that statement I’m having a thought that, it puts a bit of a buffer between myself and the though. You can then challenge the thought.
Assess if you need to hold.
I made an initial snap decision to hold for an extra week due to this mistake. After getting through the day, I realized this was rash. I’m continuing my taper down as scheduled. However, had my withdrawal been much more debilitating due to the schedule screw-up, I would have made a hold.
In the end, I survived a pretty bad titration screw up. I have a small boost of confidence now that if this happens again, I got this.