After years of being at the mercy of this drug, and going through an accidental, life-threatening cold turkey detox, I'm done. My story will soon come, but for now, I wish to share with you what my new routine to get back my life looks like.
Unfortunately, life circumstances have changed. So shall this project.
Continue to live life. I'm going through the paces right now, and I hope I find where I fit. There was guilt during all of this.
When my anxiety becomes too high, or my stress levels can't handle what's in front of me, I want it gone.
IF YOU ARE IN DANGER, CALL 911. Passive suicidal ideation is the constant thought of ending my life. It's always been there controlled by a volume dial I can't access.
It came to a head last night: my first vivid nightmare in over 6 months. I shot awake with tears down my cheeks (I rarely cry). Luckily it wasn't a full blown terror.
Growing up, it was beaten into me that it was always my fault. Always. That mindset still follows me. At its worst point, people would glance my way and automatically I believed I did something wrong, and a pathetic sorry would fall out of my mouth.
I used to enjoy these sorts of mini-quizzes in the beginning days of social media. It's kinda nice to know real people are behind these words.